Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share
