Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
After September 11th, freedom of speech in America has become a topic that's touchier than a Vatican summer camp. — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George. — Dennis Miller Clock Copy Share Image
Is global warming new? I don't know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot. — Dennis Miller Climate Copy Share Image
How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same - we haven't got anybody watching. — Dennis Miller God Copy Share Image
It's wrong to discriminate based on skin color when there are so many other reasons not to like someone. — Dennis Miller Color Copy Share Image
When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What… — Dennis Miller Beacons Copy Share Image
I didn't know my Dad - he moved out early. And my mom's politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didn't think about… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I preume there are far too many abortions performed in this country. And I also believe that at the end of the… — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event… — Dennis Miller Classroom Copy Share Image
I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Nothing ruins the mood during foreplay more than the recurring image of your sixty-five-year-old homeroom teacher trying to stretch a condom over… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. — Dennis Miller Funny Copy Share Image
And I've always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking..."yeah,… — Dennis Miller Baby Copy Share Image
Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester. — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love. — Dennis Miller Celine Copy Share Image
Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets! — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
“Big Pharma prefers the model of mail order pharmacy where prescription drug orders are filled the same way that Amazon.com fills orders… — Dennis Miller Drug Copy Share Image
I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm extremely moved by the loving, caring relationship the President always seems to have with his imaginary son. — Dennis Miller Caring Copy Share Image
The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I haven't seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun. — Dennis Miller Battle Copy Share Image
The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I'm allowed to hate it if… — Dennis Miller Country Copy Share Image
What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown. — Dennis Miller Cat Copy Share Image
The very definition of the innate hollowness of leading a political life when you end up on your nearest and dearest moments… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
On Thursday, a passenger forced his way into the cockpit of a United Airlines flight from Miami, but was subdued after the… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The way I've always governed my life as far as fiscal policy goes is I'm smart enough to know that I'm dumb… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The soldiers kill suicide bombers. Think about that. When a guys whole thing in life is to kill himself and you get… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes,… — Dennis Miller Cigarette Copy Share Image
Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after… — Dennis Miller First date Copy Share Image
![“I cannot tell you how proud watching that [Iraqi] war coverage makes me. I know a lot of people are saying that they think that it's, that you know what we're doing is imperialistic. I watch the way we handle ourselves over there and I've never felt more patriotic in my life.” quote by Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/141/dennis-miller-1315_coverage_i-cannot-tell-you-how-proud-watching-tha_683433.png)
