That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
That punt was higher than Marion Berry on a fact-finding tour of Cartagena. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes! — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
That kid's got an arm like Uncle Fester at an exhibition of Pre-Colombian... um, Christ, I lost it. I was going for… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet! — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Ray Lewis knifed through those offensive linemen like a sucker-punch switchblade slicing between the ribs of some inebriated trash-talking punk outside a… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I haven't seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today? — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Warner had more hands in his face than an OB-GYN delivering Vishnu's triplets! — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
When the hell is Warren Moon going to retire? I mean, this guy is older than the cuneiform in Nebuchadnezzar's tomb. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Their offense is shakier than Katherine Hepburn after an all-night espresso bender at Starbucks. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Nervous? He's tighter than Pat Buchanan's sphincter muscle at a 4th of July soiree on Fire Island. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don't refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us… — Dennis Miller Copy Share
It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this." — Dennis Miller Copy Share
I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from… — Dennis Miller Copy Share
American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
I think abortion's wrong, but it's none of my business to tell somebody what's wrong, he said. So I'm pro-choice. I want to keep… — Dennis Miller Copy Share
Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet! — Dennis Miller Copy Share
I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in a person. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
I haven't seen someone so overmatched since Mike Tyson tried to recite the alphabet. — Dennis Miller Copy Share
There's a lot of differing data [about global warming], but as far as I can gather, over the last hundred years the temperature on… — Dennis Miller Copy Share
The good thing about Pittsburgh, it's a good place to be raised... it doesn't tolerate assholes. You're either a good guy or you're a… — Dennis Miller Copy Share
