There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim. — Dennis Miller Atheism Copy Share Image
American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The Cowboy's defense has more holes in it than Ronny Milsapp and Jose Feliciano after a game of lawn darts. — Dennis Miller Cowboy Copy Share Image
Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us… — Dennis Miller Care Copy Share Image
So who's the big red menace nowadays? Cuba. That's it? I'm sorry, but it's hard to whip up any us against them… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of… — Dennis Miller Boogers Copy Share Image
Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm glad I don't have a lot of money in the market. And quite frankly, you'd be better off giving your money… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
If you could use the Internet somehow to see how a Fiji sailor is doing, rather than having to read a text… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I… — Dennis Miller Care Copy Share Image
Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things… — Dennis Miller Conservative Copy Share Image
Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that… — Dennis Miller Guilt Copy Share Image
A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house… — Dennis Miller Climate Copy Share Image
Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. — Dennis Miller Hollywood Copy Share Image
Wouldn't it be great if all of Osama bin Laden's money was tied up in Enron stock? — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
“Quote: You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay? ” — Dennis Miller Eating habits Copy Share Image
I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention. — Dennis Miller Attention Copy Share Image
Somebody call Janet Reno - I think I just saw Donato dragging Doug Flutie into a locker room closet! — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Growing up, my family wasn't very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets. — Dennis Miller Family Copy Share Image
In the late twentieth century, staying sober has become just as much an addiction as getting wasted. — Dennis Miller Addiction Copy Share Image
I have sympathy for any human being that's driven by their limbic part of their brain. We all know that exists in… — Dennis Miller Brain Copy Share Image
Everyone wants answers and wants to know what the timeline is. Unfortunately, it's a complex situation, and we don't have the final… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal. — Dennis Miller Dream Copy Share Image
Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond… — Dennis Miller Bad guy Copy Share Image
When I said 'we', officer, I was referring to myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party. — Dennis Miller Communist Copy Share Image
To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark. — Dennis Miller Dark Copy Share Image
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick. — Dennis Miller Bombs Copy Share Image
