Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
They never differentiate between drug users and drug addicts... I've done most drugs there are socially, I never had a problem. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I used to be a partier, now I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging you. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I'm just funnier when I'm drunk. Not falling-down drunk, just drunk enough to lose the self-doubt. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
If second hand smoke is killing that many people and nicotine is so addictive then why is no one addicted to second… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I drink during every show. I can't remember the last show I did completely sober. It works for me. I use it… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“f you're gonna have a pro-drug argument, start the argument where it starts: I have the right to do what ever the… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I'm not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana's never… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
If I were money-motivated, I would spread insidious lies that marijuana is dangerous and addictive and leads to dancing with white women,… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
People always try to palm me weed when I'm always talking about how I don't smoke weed. But they always try to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying:… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
