You say you hate children and people always say the same thing; it would be different if it was your own child.… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“Children are like poems. They're beautiful -- to their creators -- but to others they're just silly and fucking annoying.” — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up... there… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I'll defend child pornography, how about that? What's wrong with seeing some child pornography? What if you watch child pornography because you… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
If I were money-motivated, I would spread insidious lies that marijuana is dangerous and addictive and leads to dancing with white women,… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Abortion is green! I think its irrefutable, but people don't want to hear that. For most people, having children is an instinctual,… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“I watched 60 Minutes...and they showed this woman, she's in every kind of..thing like that. 'This woman', they say, 'she lost her… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying:… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
You forget, when you're in the Scandinavian countries, you forget they don't speak English first and they speak better than I do. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share
