I don't think comedians make an active decision to be a certain "persona." Comedians write the way they're going to write. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think when my mother died, it was such a - you know, a shock to the logic that I had been… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I spend way too much time on Facebook and MySpace to feel too uncomfortable at this. I like to think of the… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It really never came up, but I think that in present-day America, they're - you know, and I touched on it in… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound.… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think it's important to control your opportunities, because in the entertainment world, it's not up to you. I'm not sitting here… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I didn't think that it's something that would happen. I didn't think I would be in the position, emotionally or financially, to… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman can grow a baby inside her body. Then a woman… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I've been doing stand-up for so long, I think 19 years, that I love topics I can also expand on. Once I… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Whatever a writer gets paid for his book, it's never enough. I think that's true. It's hard work. But in the end,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I love my career, but I feel like you've got to babysit a lot of aspects of things. Assuming that things will… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I personally have no interest in being a star or a celebrity. I want my stand-up comedy and how I think as… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I liked the idea that my character was not gonna be the typical dumb guy that I play, typically. I also loved… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think what Pope Francis is saying is that nobody's perfect, you know? And so someone like Joe Biden, you know, where… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
There's this message to comedians in particular, that you shouldn't write it, and a television writer should write it. And that's a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't understand the fashion industry and the appeal of it. I understand that there are some people who think it's important… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It's good to be back in New York. I have lived here ten years. I'm originally from Indiana. I know what most… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
You ever mix two different groups of friends? That can be stressful. You always feel like you have to prep 'em. You're… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
“Being a parent is a selfless adventure. The worldview of “Take care of yourself first” is no longer logical to a sane person if… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
“Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
Cookies at both of them. The cookies are probably better at Letterman though. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share
![“I didn't think that it's something that would happen. I didn't think I would be in the position, emotionally or financially, to be able to do that. But I've been lucky [to have big family].” quote by Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/660/jim-gaffigan-580_able_i-didn-t-think-that-it-s-something-that_2943548.jpg)
![“I think comedians get too much credit or too much criticism for the style of comedy they do, and they generally do the style of comedy that works for them. [...] There's no kind of shrewd calculation going into the type of standup we all do. It's like David Cross is supposed to be doing the David…” quote by Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/181/jim-gaffigan-580_calculations_i-think-comedians-get-too-much-credit-or_2220899.jpg)
