I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
As sensitive and broad-minded humans, we must never allow ourselves to be in any way judgmental of the religious practices of other… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I played lead guitar in a band called The Federal Duck, which is the kind of name that was popular in the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Weddings are crazy. When you get right down to it, a wedding is a party, and not an important party, really. But… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You must prepare yourselves, young people, because Uncle Dave's generation is getting old. We are almost ready to go to the retirement… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I got a lot of mail from organizations concerned with bike safety. Then I got a couple from people who wanted my… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Stuffwise we are not a lean operation. We're the kind of people who, if we were deciding what absolute minimum essential items… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Actually, there are people from all ove - not just Latin America, certainly not just Cuba, but all over Europe, all over… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We are talking about mutated women, the result of cruel genetic experiments performed by fashion designers so lacking in any sense of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The thing I have learned, especially in the Internet age, probably the easiest thing in the world is to declare that something… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't have to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making average incomes for doing average jobs- bank vice presidents, insurance salesmen,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Every year I write a tax advice column and I used to always make fun of that. One year, one of my… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This was years ago, I think during the early [Ronald] Reagan years. I came up with a plan that everybody just pay… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
But that's kind of an easy stance to be if you're a humor columnist, because you're tending to make fun of the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've never been struck by lightning as far as I know, so the Higher Power is treating me as well as even… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I want to gag sometimes when I see who "we" are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The way this country deals with drugs is just not funny. What a waste of everyone's time and effort. What a waste… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you're in the closet if you don't go… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh? — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What I like best about the telephone is that it keeps you in touch with people, particularly people who want to sell… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called "LinkedIn." — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you tell most people what libertarians think, they immediately assume that you cannot mean it all the way, that you're really… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
People - just weird people are attracted to Miami. And they come there not for serious reasons, usually. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress. — Dave Barry Copy Share
![“This was years ago, I think during the early [Ronald] Reagan years. I came up with a plan that everybody just pay $8.95 in taxes. Cheating would be allowed. But the incentive to cheat wouldn't be nearly as great if you only had to pay the $8.95. There were a few people who would have to pay…” quote by Dave Barry](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/c7c/dave-barry-222_bills_this-was-years-ago-i-think-during-the-ea_1154458.png)
