To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Alan Zweibel is the funniest writer in the world. He might be even funnier when he's naked, but I'm afraid to find… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Never try to put all the chemicals in the entire world in your body at the same time. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can using only their… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What's happened to marriage? The wedding-industrial complex. Brides get swept up in this world of obsession - it has to be your… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Disney Resort and World and Compound, a place where your dreams really do come true, if you dream about having people wearing… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
San Francisco leads the world in the category of Most People On The Sidewalk Holding Conversations With Purely Imaginary Companions. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You can be the smartest person in the world - which Bill Clinton is, and if he's not, his wife is -… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be sincerely believe this - no military conflicts, and when… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
For a while I got into the South Pacific theater of World War II. I read "American Caesar" by William Manchester, the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Speaking of food, English cuisine has received a lot of unfair criticism over the years, but the truth is that it can… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The thing I have learned, especially in the Internet age, probably the easiest thing in the world is to declare that something… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hugely popular Windows 95 operating system revolutionized the software world thanks to its capability of accomplishing the seemingly impossible task of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I am a world-class weenie when it comes to letting people stick needles into me. My subconscious mind firmly believes that if… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Olympic movement simply cannot allow the Russians to become estranged, because Russia is a vital part of the world sports community,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of being left behind, spending hundreds of millions… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You can't have a bad time at Disney World. It's not allowed. They have hidden electronic surveillance cameras everywhere, and if they… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I still think of myself as a newspaper guy and you live by deadlines in the newspaper world, so, they don't really… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
SAT tests are designed by huge panels of experts in education and psychology who work for years to design tests in which… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress. — Dave Barry Copy Share
