The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. If the man has a brain… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The method preferred by most balding men for making themselves look silly is called the comb over. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Another well-known Paris landmark is the Arc de Triomphe, a moving monument to the many brave women and men who have died… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
On Valentine's Day, millions of men give millions of women flowers, cards and candy as a heartfelt expression of the emotion that… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Soviet Union at this time was being run by the Communists, a group of men fierce in their dedication to wearing… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Imagine what will happen to this nation if large numbers of American women start using the Wonderbra. It will be catastrophic. The… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Cyrus Pembridge, the Never Land’s captain, was widely regarded as the most incompetent man to comman a ship since the formation of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“There comes a time in a man's life when he hears the call of the sea. "Hey, YOU!" are the sea's exact… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One night in Tokyo we watched two Japanese businessmen saying good-night to each other after what had clearly been a long night… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Far too often, we fathers avoid the subject because it's so awkward. The subject I am referring to is: buying gifts for… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I'm a humorist. A guy like Paul Simon just makes my life so much simpler. When I was there, he had a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Thus the white men and Native Americans were able, through the spirit of goodwill and compromise, to reach the first in what… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The thing I have learned, especially in the Internet age, probably the easiest thing in the world is to declare that something… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We constantly see surveys that reveal this ignorance, especially among our high school students,78 percent of whom, in a recent nationwide multiple-choice… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Here's a man who was twice elected to the most powerful position on Earth despite needing a TelePrompTer to correctly identify what… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
No man had ever knocked little Richard down. But of course Ammm was not a man. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Men have no cause to criticize women about the way they are about weddings. Because men are like that about sports, but… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Headbangers' are people who like heavy-metal music, which is performed by skinny men with huge hair who stomp around the stage, striking… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The story of the eighties will be the story of the Reagan administration and the many men and women who served in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
...Terry Jackson, who is the Miami Herald's automotive writer and TV critic. That's correct: This man gets paid to drive new cars… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've always found relationships, men and women, the fact that they are so radically different, and it manifests itself in so many… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress. — Dave Barry Copy Share
