Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don't keep her… — Lyndon B. Johnson Copy Share Image
A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though. — Vladimir Zhirinovsky Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. — Lenny Bruce Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law speaks not a word of English. I speak not a word of Tajiki. So I smile at her ingratiatingly and… — Wilbur Smith Copy Share Image
“while your mother in law still lives, domestic harmony / is out of the question.” — Juvenal Copy Share Image
A lot of women have trouble with their mothers-in-law.” Raphael’s look was priceless. “My mother is an insane archangel. — Nalini Singh Copy Share Image
If there's an award for best mother-in-law in the universe, in the future, when my son gets married, I will win that… — Laura Schlessinger Copy Share Image
I find it beautiful when we're in Italy that everybody sits down at the table together. My mother-in-law is like, 'It doesn't… — Debi Mazar Copy Share Image
“On the drive up here, I saw a goose," he says. "A Canada goose. Fred told me they shit something horrible. They… — Brian Francis Copy Share Image
I think that what I do, in terms of how I craft my words rhetorically, is fairly simple stuff. I don't mean… — John Scalzi Copy Share Image
The perfect family doesn't exist, nor is there a perfect husband or a perfect wife, and let's not talk about the perfect… — Pope Francis Copy Share Image
The best compliment that has ever been given to me was, I was at the airport one day and a guy came… — Lionel Richie Copy Share Image
I'm sitting at the dinner table, wearing my future mother-in-law's underwear. It's like some twisted dream that you wake up and thinkL… — Sophie Kinsella Copy Share Image
I went from resenting my mother-in-law to accepting her, finally to appreciating her. What appeared to be her diffidence when I was… — Ayelet Waldman Copy Share Image
A guy wanted the vet to cut his dog's tail off. The vet asked why. Well, my mother in law is visiting… — Karel Capek Copy Share Image
Dear Mother In Law don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. We're both Leos, we understand each other. — Tori Amos Copy Share Image
I cook mostly vegetarian vegetable and bean stews. Quinoa salads. I make my mother-in-law's recipe for chicken and barley stew all the… — Gail Simmons Copy Share Image
I think my mother-in-law is trying to tell me something. She is giving me baby clothes and baby food...Not happening. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat - because she is of reasonable size, and I care about her and her self-image. — Bernard Manning Copy Share Image
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
What can you say about a man, who on Mother's Day sends flowers to his mother-in-law, with a note thanking her for… — Nancy Reagan Copy Share Image
The only thing more intimidating than a huge international film star is your mother-in-law. — Benjamin Walker Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it. — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at… — Les Dawson Copy Share Image
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.' — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
I don't think you have to live in the fantasy world of Westeros to have problems with your mother-in-law. — Natalie Dormer Copy Share Image
We really have no definition of mother in our law books. Mother was believed to have been so basic that no definition… — Marianne O. Battani Copy Share Image
“Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother in law to hear at your trial” — Sydney Biddle Barrows Copy Share Image
When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter - that's something. — Lou Gehrig Copy Share Image
My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere. — John Barrymore Copy Share Image
We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, "I've decided I want to… — Dave Spikey Copy Share Image
I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her. — Ken Dodd Copy Share Image
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
You know you've built a product that can hit the mainstream when your wife, your father, and your mother-in-law can get involved. — Josh Kopelman Copy Share Image
The mother-in-laws themselves weren't natural jokes but most comedians used to use that. — Allen Toussaint Copy Share Image
