Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want…

Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at your trial.

— Sydney Biddle Barrows

When I get married I want a mother in law that will adore me and one that I'll actually like.

— Anonymous

“In the collective prosecutorial mind our apologies are also apparently characterized as “so-called.” Though I find this insulting. It causes me suffering and moral…

— Masha Gessen

A mother-in-law is better than a single and childless political persona, though.

— Vladimir Zhirinovsky

“You see what your mother-in-law hasn’t yet realised is that she’s the one who needs to hold out the olive branch, not you, because…

— Karl Wiggins

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

— Henny Youngman

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.

— Ken Dodd

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

— Les Dawson

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

— Les Dawson

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

— Joan Rivers

A car is like a mother-in-law - if you let it, it will rule your life.

— Jaime Lerner

Even though I have a zero relationship with my mother in law, she still insists I call her mom.

— Anonymous

My mother-in-law speaks not a word of English. I speak not a word of Tajiki. So I smile at her ingratiatingly and she fixes…

— Wilbur Smith

If there's an award for best mother-in-law in the universe, in the future, when my son gets married, I will win that award.

— Laura Schlessinger

My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

— Phyllis Diller