Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth" — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house. — Groucho Marx Copy Share
He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that… — Groucho Marx Copy Share
Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members. — Groucho Marx Copy Share
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you — Groucho Marx Copy Share
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. — Groucho Marx Copy Share
Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor. — Groucho Marx Copy Share
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor. — Groucho Marx Copy Share
