We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear. — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh. — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I want to keep working really hard at getting better at stand-up and touring, and I can't imagine a time when I… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
It's not hard for me to be funny. But it's really hard. I don't think a lot of people are funny. I… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wiseass, so I think the mixture of the… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Stand-up is not something that you're good at right away. You have to do it a ton. But, I think I got… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
A big part of becoming a funny person was a major defense mechanism. Onstage, especially as a woman, I've had to be… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I'm not sure I'd classify any topics as off-limits, but I don't look for new territories to offend. There's my joke about… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I think standup is pretty good for an introvert because you are performing, but, I mean, it's on your own terms. There… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Comedy isn't really something where you get discovered. You can't network your way to being funny or talented. It's not hard to… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I understand why so many female comics quit or change their path, because it is hard. It's hard to be a comedian,… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Whatever the joke is has to be funny, and not coming from a mean-spirited place. I think some things are totally off… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
The girls that I grew up with, and my friends and I, we just never had interests in common. I loved comedy.… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
My comedy is unapologetic and fearless. Like, sometimes you'll wind up having condomless sex with someone that you probably shouldn't. I'm interested… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Some street jokes are just timeless. There's an old street joke about comedians. The joke is that a beautiful girl comes up… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I… — Amy Schumer Copy Share
“... and left decimated. Not for myself, but for all the single women out there trying to date. I wanted to run to the… — Amy Schumer Copy Share
I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.' — Amy Schumer Copy Share
Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird… — Amy Schumer Copy Share
My mom made me think I was gorgeous. When I was younger she was like, 'Look at you! You're an angel. You sparkle!' And… — Amy Schumer Copy Share
To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the… — Amy Schumer Copy Share
I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all. — Amy Schumer Copy Share
Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up. — Amy Schumer Copy Share
“People often romanticize children or adults with special needs, as if they are innocent-yet-wise creatures who can humble us all into becoming better humans.… — Amy Schumer Copy Share
Out of nowhere she tells me that Oliver Stone - you know, the director - she's like, 'He has this huge Asian fetish, and… — Amy Schumer Copy Share
I really am a chick from Long Island who's just learning along with everyone. — Amy Schumer Copy Share
