The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever? — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
That's the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can't pursue your dream till you're 46. When it… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I guess my feeling is is that if you're going to make a joke, that's fine, but you should also sort of… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“More importantly, as comedians, our job is to say what is on our minds. Unfiltered and un-focus-group-tested. That’s what drives me nuts… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird… — Adam Carolla Copy Share
I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life...so, something that is potentially four months down the road is… — Adam Carolla Copy Share
I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the… — Adam Carolla Copy Share
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work,… — Adam Carolla Copy Share
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings. — Adam Carolla Copy Share
“But our leaders can’t tell the truth. We won’t let them. We’ve created a society where the politicians aren’t allowed to criticize the people.… — Adam Carolla Copy Share
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all… — Adam Carolla Copy Share
When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following… — Adam Carolla Copy Share
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were. — Adam Carolla Copy Share
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have… — Adam Carolla Copy Share
You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself. — Adam Carolla Copy Share
“Here’s a handy list of warning signs of the worst people on the road. Some are tuned-out menaces, others are just assholes. Be alert,… — Adam Carolla Copy Share
I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other. — Adam Carolla Copy Share
