Your guess is as good as mine. Better probably, because you haven't had four beers. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it -… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Fortunately the boat we rented had a motor in it You will definitely want this feature on your sailboat too, because if… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I did all this stuff that was illegal when I was a kid. I drank beer when I was 15. I smoked… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If God had wanted us to spend all our time fretting about the problems of home ownership, He would never have created… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In more than 20 years of opening beers with guys, I have NEVER seen the Swedish Bikini Team show up. Almost always,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Recently I began to feel this void in my life, even after meals, and I said to myself, "Dave, all you do… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Never allow a child to spend all of his allowance. Insist that he set aside a certain amount of money every week… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it… — Dave Barry Copy Share
Always remember that if editors were so damned smart, they would know how to dress. — Dave Barry Copy Share
