Quote by Samantha Irby

“but there I was, trying to fit the ocean into a plastic cup as it tossed and turned me in its waves.”

— Samantha Irby

“Favorite food? Brunch and tacos.”

— Samantha Irby

“A lot of us are living like this, right? Taking cabs and ordering takeout Thai on payday, then walking the three blocks to work…

— Samantha Irby

“48. Try to think positively. Can’t. Everything is garbage. 49. Stop talking (so much) shit. See above.”

— Samantha Irby

“Real love feels less like a throbbing, pulsing animal begging for its freedom and beating against the inside of my chest and more like,…

— Samantha Irby

“You know, what I really need is someone who remembers to rotate this meaty pre-corpse toward the sun every couple of days and tries…

— Samantha Irby

“have never—and I mean ever—had a real desire to let otherwise-unaccounted-for money just chill in my bank account unmolested for more than maybe a…

— Samantha Irby

“It's so weird that adults in committed relationships have a problem with something so innocuous as flirting. I would never expect you to walk…

— Samantha Irby

“I am a negative person by nature, and I typically shy away from anything that requires me to be having visible fun.”

— Samantha Irby

“do so much shit I don’t want anyone else to see, or know about, that I never want to have to explain to another…

— Samantha Irby

“The Bachelorette proves that men are as petty and vapid and ridiculous as women are made to seem. They’re just better at hiding it,…

— Samantha Irby

“Fuck a budget. I grew up poor and now I have money, so I’m going to spend it on Chanel nail polishes. I don’t…

— Samantha Irby