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Fidelity Quote by Samantha Irby

“It's so weird that adults in committed relationships have a problem with something so innocuous as flirting. I would never expect you to walk around with a paper bag over your head to avoid catching the eye of a stranger, nor would I discourage you making friendly conversation with whomever you…” quote by Samantha Irby
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““It's so weird that adults in committed relationships have a problem with something so innocuous as flirting. I would never expect you to walk around with a paper bag over your head to avoid catching the eye of a stranger, nor would I discourage you making friendly conversation with whomever you might encounter during the day. And if you needed to fuck somebody else, we could talk about it. People change, our desires evolve, and it feels foolish to me to expect what you'll want two, five, or ten years from now will be exactly the same thing that fills you up today. I mean, the way I feel about fidelity has evolved over the last ten years of my life. It's a hard-and-fast rule that we don't apply to any other thing in our lives: YOU MUST LOVE THIS [SHOW/BOOK/FOOD/SHIRT] WITH UNWAVERING FERVOR FOR THE REST OF YOUR NATURAL LIFE. Could you imagine being forced to listen to your favorite record from before your music tastes were refined for the rest of your life? Right now I'm pretty sure I could listen to Midnight Snack by HOMESHAKE for the rest of my life, but me ten years ago was really into acoustic Dave Matthews, and I'm not sure how I feel about that today. And yes, I am oversimplifying it, but really, if in seven years you want to have sex with the proverbial milkman, just let me know about it beforehand so I can hide my LaCroix and half eaten wedge of port salut. ('Milkmen' always eat all the good snacks.)””

Samantha Irby

About This Quote

Source Essay: The New Yorker, “The Trouble With Monogamy”, 2023

The author argues that expectations of permanent fidelity are unrealistic because personal desires and identities naturally evolve over time.

In simple terms: People change, so strict loyalty rules feel outdated.

Key Takeaway

Accept evolving desires, discuss openly.

Themes

relationships fidelity personal growth communication

Mood

thoughtful reflective conversational

Type

advice personal essay social commentary

When to use this quote

  • long‑term partnership
  • casual dating
  • friendship boundaries
  • sexual exploration

Key Concepts

identity fluidity social norms sexual autonomy

Questions to Reflect On

  • How can couples renegotiate expectations as they grow?
  • What boundaries feel healthy for you?
A Different Perspective

People may feel insecure or jealous when partners openly discuss changing desires.

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