Quote by Pete Hautman

“Murphy's face went through several mutations as he spoke, as if small animals were scurrying about just beneath his skin.”

— Pete Hautman

“Dear Miz Fitz, My boyfriend is superhot so a lot of girls think up reasons to talk to him. It drives me... ...Out of…

— Pete Hautman

We connect through our dreams. Like we could be a thousand miles apart and I'd still know you were there.

— Pete Hautman

“People in groups are like sheep. Like, when your very best friend is surrounded by other people, she cares more about what everybody else…

— Pete Hautman

“Guys have four personalities: the one they use with their parents, the one they use around other adults, the one they use for talking…

— Pete Hautman

“Do they really think that attending mass will make them better, or happier, or save them from an eternity of hellfire? Maybe they do.…

— Pete Hautman

Later it might see moronic, but at that time it all made perfect sense.

— Pete Hautman

“He's kinda shy. Maybe I should ask him out." "I think it's more traditional for you to trick him into asking you out. That…

— Pete Hautman

“He's a guy. He has built in testosterone issues.”

— Pete Hautman

“So who are you today?”

— Pete Hautman

“...TV was entertainment of the last resort. There was nothing on during the day in the summer other than game shows and soap operas.…

— Pete Hautman

How do you know it's not true if you don't believe in it?

— Pete Hautman