Pete Hautman

“Murphy's face went through several mutations as he spoke, as if small animals were scurrying about just beneath his skin.”

— Pete Hautman

“Dear Miz Fitz, My boyfriend is superhot so a lot of girls think up reasons to talk to him. It drives me...…

— Pete Hautman

We connect through our dreams. Like we could be a thousand miles apart and I'd still know you were there.

— Pete Hautman

“People in groups are like sheep. Like, when your very best friend is surrounded by other people, she cares more about what…

— Pete Hautman

“Guys have four personalities: the one they use with their parents, the one they use around other adults, the one they use…

— Pete Hautman

“Do they really think that attending mass will make them better, or happier, or save them from an eternity of hellfire? Maybe…

— Pete Hautman

Later it might see moronic, but at that time it all made perfect sense.

— Pete Hautman

“He's kinda shy. Maybe I should ask him out." "I think it's more traditional for you to trick him into asking you…

— Pete Hautman

“He's a guy. He has built in testosterone issues.”

— Pete Hautman

“So who are you today?”

— Pete Hautman

“...TV was entertainment of the last resort. There was nothing on during the day in the summer other than game shows and…

— Pete Hautman

How do you know it's not true if you don't believe in it?

— Pete Hautman

“I didn't know what to say, but one thing was for sure: The Bank of Ted was closed.”

— Pete Hautman

Yes, books are dangerous. They should be dangerous - they contain ideas.

— Pete Hautman

“Anyway, the reason I hate communion isn't the meat-eating component. I get hungry enough, I'll eat anything. The reason I hate it…

— Pete Hautman

“So I sit and endure the stares and the pangs and twinges of Catholic guilt, knowing that I am doing the right…

— Pete Hautman

“For example, if she joined the book club — there was always a book club — and hung out with them, her…

— Pete Hautman

“If you can imagine it, you're halfway there”

— Pete Hautman

“Is that my ears ringing, or am I screaming? I am burning and I am blind and I can’t find the stairs…

— Pete Hautman

We were defined by what we did. What we had to do. I think this is why guys like football, and why…

— Pete Hautman

“We sit on the floor in front of his oscillating fan and talk sci-fi, and I am thinking how strange this is…

— Pete Hautman

The first step to success it's to imagine it

— Pete Hautman

“How do you know it's true if you don't believe in it?" "I...huh?" "How can you understand something you don't believe in?"…

— Pete Hautman

“Dan is my ordinary friend. Everybody should have at least one ordinary friend and Dan is as ordinary as they come. He…

— Pete Hautman

“I once read a short story about some cannibals who didn't turn their victims into steaks and chops and roasts; they made…

— Pete Hautman