“Anyway, the reason I hate communion isn't the meat-eating component. I get hungry enough, I'll eat anything. The reason I hate it is because everybody in the church except me, Jason Bock, stands up and gets in line for their… — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
“I once read a short story about some cannibals who didn't turn their victims into steaks and chops and roasts; they made them all into sausages. Because when you're eating a sausage you don't think so much about what you're… — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
“Murphy's face went through several mutations as he spoke, as if small animals were scurrying about just beneath his skin.” — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
“Dear Miz Fitz, My boyfriend is superhot so a lot of girls think up reasons to talk to him. It drives me... ...Out of… — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
We connect through our dreams. Like we could be a thousand miles apart and I'd still know you were there. — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
“People in groups are like sheep. Like, when your very best friend is surrounded by other people, she cares more about what everybody else… — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
“Guys have four personalities: the one they use with their parents, the one they use around other adults, the one they use for talking… — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
“Do they really think that attending mass will make them better, or happier, or save them from an eternity of hellfire? Maybe they do.… — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
Later it might see moronic, but at that time it all made perfect sense. — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
“He's kinda shy. Maybe I should ask him out." "I think it's more traditional for you to trick him into asking you out. That… — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
“...TV was entertainment of the last resort. There was nothing on during the day in the summer other than game shows and soap operas.… — Pete Hautman Copy Share Image
