Bayonets Quote by Milton Berle

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers,…

— Milton Berle

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

— Milton Berle

Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.

— Milton Berle

My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.

— Milton Berle

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was…

— Milton Berle

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd…

— Milton Berle

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once…

— Milton Berle

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

— Milton Berle

If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.

— Milton Berle

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

— Milton Berle

I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor…

— Milton Berle

I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

— Milton Berle