Dream Quote by Mallory Ortberg

Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.

— Mallory Ortberg

I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who "despises" having sex with her husband - and…

— Mallory Ortberg

If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care…

— Mallory Ortberg

It is so tempting to return rudeness with rudeness!

— Mallory Ortberg

I think that it's a great idea to have honest conversations about children before getting married. I also think it's impossible to promise someone,…

— Mallory Ortberg

Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about.

— Mallory Ortberg

One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone…

— Mallory Ortberg

You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.

— Mallory Ortberg

Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.

— Mallory Ortberg

Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are.

— Mallory Ortberg

The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in…

— Mallory Ortberg

You have a right to be treated professionally at work, and it's your supervisor's job to make sure all their employees can perform their…

— Mallory Ortberg