““ Posture The first impression you make is likely to be from several feet away. An observer will assess your approachability from a general analysis of how you stand, so the right posture is something to be considered. A closed posture—sitting with arms and legs crossed, often with a hand covering the mouth or chin—gives the signal: “Stay away, I’m not interested in speaking with anyone.” Similarly, standing with arms crossed conveys defensiveness or displeasure, a poor impression to give anyone you’d like to get to know. An open posture—arms relaxed, not crossed, hands away from mouth—says: “I’m available for a conversation, and I’m friendly. Come on over and approach me.” When you are working toward friendly posture, keep in mind that the degree of muscle tension is another clue to whether someone is open to being approached. A relaxed posture indicates that a person is more receptive. A tightened posture indicates that the person feels threatened. Think about the muscle relaxation exercises in the previous chapter: Remember how much calmer you feel when you have given your muscles the “soft and loose” command? Similarly, deep, regular breathing creates an impression of approachability. Here is an exercise that makes use of biofeedback (information gathered, stored, and applied) to give you knowledge about your body language. Stand or sit in front of a mirror. Strive for an absence of tension. Look at your face. Use internal coaching to let your facial muscles go slack. Say, “My forehead, cheeks, and mouth are relaxed.” If you see a furrowed brow or tight cheeks or lips, continue giving yourself the relaxation message until your face looks different. Then, imprint the muscle memory of relaxation into your mind. When you interact with others, try to recall this relaxed state.””
