Children Quote by John Bradshaw
““3. The child is allowed to experience and express ordinary impulses, such as jealousy, rage, sexuality and defiance, because the parents have not disowned these feelings in themselves. 4. The child does not have to please the parent and can develop his own needs at his own developmental pace. 5. The child can depend on and use his parents because they are separate from him. 6. The parents’ independence and good boundaries allow the child to separate self and object representation. 7. Because the child is allowed to display ambivalent feelings, he can learn to regard himself and the caregiver as “both good and bad,” rather than splitting off certain parts as good and certain parts as bad. 8. The beginning of true object love is possible because the parents love the child as a separate object.””
About This Quote
Source Book: Healing the Shame That Binds You, John Bradshaw, 1988
The passage outlines how parental acceptance of a child's full emotional range and healthy boundaries foster the child's ability to recognize both positive and negative aspects in self and others, leading to mature relationships.
In simple terms: Accepting all feelings and setting boundaries helps children grow emotionally healthy.
Key Takeaway
Encourage honest emotional expression and clear boundaries.
Themes
emotional development
parenting
attachment
self‑awareness
boundaries
Mood
reflective
hopeful
Type
educational
psychological
When to use this quote
- family therapy
- child upbringing
- relationship counseling
Key Concepts
object relations
ambivalence
self‑object differentiation
Questions to Reflect On
- How can parents model acceptance of their own feelings?
- What boundaries support healthy child development?
A Different Perspective
If parents themselves are emotionally unavailable, the model fails.
