"Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I……" — Jack Handey
"Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Ass Quotes
This quote is filed under Ass Quotes,
one of 2,172 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Most chick singers say 'if you hurt me, I'll die'... I say, 'if you hurt me, I'll kick your ass.'
— Pat Benatar
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I get satisfaction of three kinds. One is creating something, one is being paid for it and one is the…
— William F. Buckley, Jr.
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A man that hoards up riches and enjoys them not, is like an ass that carries gold and eats thistles.
— Richard Burton
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If it's illegal to rock and roll, throw my ass in jail!
— Kurt Cobain
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I almost resent the whole fashion thing. Good God- never wearing the same thing twice and all of those things.…
— Jennifer Aniston
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When I die, bury me on my stomach and let the world kiss my ass.
— LL Cool J
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I felt like I was definitely robbed, and I refuse to give any politically correct bullshit ass comment. I was…
— Kanye West
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The biggest sin is sitting on your ass.
— Florynce Kennedy
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Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.
— John Wayne
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Life is never easy for those who dream.
— Robert James Waller
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We view ourselves on the eve of battle. We are nerved for the contest, and must conquer or perish. It…
— Sam Houston
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I hope you're all Republicans.
— Ronald Reagan
See all 2,172 Ass Quotes »