"I remember when I was in the army,……" — Jack Handey
"I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He'd get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn't have the right answers, mister, you'd be peeling potatoes or chainging the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn't in the army. Then who WAS that guy?!"
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Answers Quotes
This quote is filed under Answers Quotes,
one of 4,992 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Ask yourself the secret of your success. Listen to your answer, and practice it.
— Richard Bach
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What is the possible benefit? Can this material save lives? Can it improve the quality of life in Iraq? Can…
— Julian Assange
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The answers you get from literature depend on the questions you pose.
— Margaret Atwood
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History is, strictly speaking, the study of questions; the study of answers belongs to anthropology and sociology.
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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A mind lively and at ease, can do with seeing nothing, and can see nothing that does not answer.
— Jane Austen
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I don't like people lying to me. I don't like people who don't return my calls. I don't like people…
— Dan Aykroyd
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On two occasions I have been asked, 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the…
— Charles Babbage
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You don't want a million answers as much as you want a few forever questions. The questions are diamonds you…
— Richard Bach
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The simplest questions are the most profound. Where were you born? Where is your home? Where are you going? What…
— Richard Bach
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I don't personally look to my own life experiences for answers about how to play a scene.
— Christian Bale
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My truth - what I believe - is that there are no answers here and, if you are looking for…
— Javier Bardem
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That is the great mistake about the affections. It is not the rise and fall of empires, the birth and…
— Amelia Barr
See all 4,992 Answers Quotes »