Beauty Quote by Chic Murray

I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. "Are you…

— Chic Murray

I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is…

— Chic Murray

She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.

— Chic Murray

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

— Chic Murray

We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements.

— Chic Murray

My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him.…

— Chic Murray

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

— Chic Murray

A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.

— Chic Murray

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

— Chic Murray

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even…

— Chic Murray

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

— Chic Murray

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

— Chic Murray