Best I Bet Sayings

372 I Bet quotes by 258 unique authors

I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try… — Jack Handey
If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you… — Jack Handey
If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get… — Jack Handey
I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick "Americans"… — Jack Handey
I bet when they weren't fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye… — Jack Handey
If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on… — Jack Handey
If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes your heart sink is when you look in, and there at… — Jack Handey
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic. — Jack Handey
I bet what happend was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then, that night, they burned the wheel. — Jack Handey
If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means… — Jack Handey
I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black Death. — Jack Handey
I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar." — Jack Handey
I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground… — Jack Handey
If you lived in the Dark Ages, and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you… — Jack Handey
The lower classes are such fools. They waste their money on the pools. I bet, of course, but that's misleading. One must encourage bloodstock breeding. — Unknown Author
She said I bet you dont remember me And I said only every other memory. — Tim McGraw
The husbands, who sometimes have another family who's grown, are going, Now I can spend time with my baby. Oh yeah, I bet your other… — Jackie Collins
I bet a guy at a bar 50 bucks that I was more dysfunctional than he was. He raped me. So I tipped him. I'm… — Christopher Titus
I bet the pill is harder to get than drugs--which shows how screwed up this world really is! — Beatrice Sparks
Next to grace, I bet God thinks making us need each other was one of His best ideas. — Bob Goff
They say that the Devil is a charming man. And just like you I bet he can dance. — Kate Bush
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha! — Eddie Murphy
Both of them can get it. They can line up. I'll fight both of them in one night, and I bet it won't go 12… — Adrien Broner
I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you. — Jane Wagner
Your fingertips across my skin, the palm trees swaying in the wind - images. You sang me Spanish lullabies, the sweetest sadness in your eyes… — A Fine Frenzy

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258 authors contributed a total of 372 I Bet Quotes, led by these top contributors:

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