Best Humour Quotations

554 Humour quotes by 412 unique authors

Irony is about contradictions that do not resolve into larger wholes, even dialectically, about the tension of holding incompatible things together because both or all… — Donna J. Haraway
Many of us are trying to lead multiple lives: child, mother, wife, lover, star, giving small doses of oxygen to each and imploding under the… — Joanna Murray-Smith
I like my man to be witty; he needs a sense of humour and needs to be extremely well-mannered. — Esha Gupta
I think cynicism often disguises itself as humour. — Michka Assayas
Apparently, I have a totally different sense of humour. — Andrew Eldritch
Dad made me laugh a lot. He was a real comedian. He had a real sarcastic sense of humour, he could really make a fool… — Julian Lennon
You've got to have a sense of humour about sex. When you look at it, it's all pretty ridiculous, isn't it? — Cat Deeley
In all thy humours, whether grave or mellow, Thou'rt such a touchy, testy, pleasant fellow, Hast so much wit and mirth and spleen about thee,… — Joseph Addison
I am a neat hand at cookery, and I'll tell you what I knocked up for my Christmas-eve dinner in the Library Cart. I knocked… — Charles Dickens
It is not merely the brevity by which the haiku isolates a particular group of phenomena from all the rest; nor its suggestiveness, through which… — Reginald Horace Blyth
I am thrilled that DDLJ has beaten all records, Shah Rukh Khan and I share a close friendship that translates onto the screen. We have… — Kajol
It's the teenage and university crowd, so we give them lots of sex jokes and gross humour. — Keenen Ivory Wayans
Books are never out of humour; never envious or jealous, they answer all questions with readiness; ... they teach us how to live and how… — Holbrook Jackson
The poor girl does not know how to have a conversation. Unfortunately, she does know how to speak. — Winston Churchill
My final word, before I'm done, Is "Cancer can be rather fun"- Provided one confronts the tumour with a sufficient sense of humour. I know… — John B. S. Haldane
Chess is a contributor to net human unhappiness, since the pleasure of victory is greatly exceeded by the pain of defeat. — William Hartston
Sir, the slowness of genius is hard to bear, but the slowness of mediocrity is insufferable. — Henry Thomas Buckle
Some scientist needs to explain to spectators Einstein's relativity theory. Before his explanation, he says: 'I have to suffer a lot explaining something I don't… — Vassily Ivanchuk
I walked about 55 kilometers and was awake for 25 hours. Now I have to think about setting a sleeping record. — Unknown Author
Barcza is the most versatile player in the opening. He sometimes plays P-KKt3 on the first, sometimes on the second, sometimes on the third, and… — Harry Golombek
A chess player never has a heart attack in a good position. — Bent Larsen
My opponent is Short and the match will be short. — Garry Kasparov
A male scorpion is stabbed to death after mating. In chess, the powerful queen often does the same to the king without giving him the… — Gregor Piatigorsky
My opponent left a glass of whisky 'en prise' and I took it 'en passant'. — Unknown Author
Excellent! I will still be in time for the ballet! — Jose Raul Capablanca

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412 authors contributed a total of 554 Humour Quotes, led by these top contributors:

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