"Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting……" — Bill Engvall

"Lady, I didn't get up this morning wanting to be a jackass...but you just pushed my jackass button."

— Bill Engvall

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23 Quotes by Bill Engvall

Bill Engvall has 23 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects…
There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone…
I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we…
I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're…
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a…
I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're…
Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a…
I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't…
So finally, on about the fifteenth tee, I hit the drive of my life. And any of you people who…
Hat's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but…
This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says 'you like baseball?' I said, 'Oh, man, I…
I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

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More Button Quotes

This quote is filed under Button Quotes, one of 438 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

I have been known to buy e-versions of my books because I was in a hotel room and I needed… — Margaret Atwood
A poet can write about a man slaying a dragon, but not about a man pushing a button that releases… — Wystan Hugh Auden
Basically no, I mean I think that it's very easy to like I say, smoke a joint or even to… — Lester Bangs
It's much easier to wear a Chairman Mao button and shake your fists in the air and all that, then… — Lester Bangs
Gun control means being able to hit your target. If I have a 'hot button' issue, this is definitely it.… — Michael Badnarik
There's a button that goes On and I'm On. And when I go On, there is almost no me; there… — Gisele Bundchen
You can actually have a pitch button, you know, to get people on pitch. — Helena Bonham Carter
When I was 14, I thought I looked terrible. I wore these typical Slavic shoes with metal bottoms so you… — Marina Abramovic
The ultimate promise of technology is to make us master of a world that we command by the push of… — Unknown Author
I get as much fun as the next man from whaling the ball as hard as I can and catching… — Bobby Jones
It will do us little good to wire the world if we short circut our souls. There is no delete… — Tom Brokaw
Put the 'off' button on. — George W. Bush

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