Tom Lehrer

So long, Mom I'm off to drop the bomb So don't wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in…

— Tom Lehrer

The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I…

— Tom Lehrer

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't…

— Tom Lehrer

You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my…

— Tom Lehrer

I think that if people are having trouble communicating with one another, the least they can do is SHUT UP.

— Tom Lehrer

I don't have the temperament of a performer, and I certainly couldn't do it every night.

— Tom Lehrer

Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.

— Tom Lehrer

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

— Tom Lehrer

Eddie Izzard is wonderful, I think, but I've only seen that one HBO special he did. He's one of the few people…

— Tom Lehrer

Irreverence is easy - whats hard is wit.

— Tom Lehrer

I find enough mystery in mathematics to satisfy my spiritual needs. I think, for example, that pi is mysterious enough (don't get…

— Tom Lehrer

I stopped performing because I don't have the temperament of a performer. You have to want to do the same thing over…

— Tom Lehrer

Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!

— Tom Lehrer

I'm not an original composer. The tunes are not stolen from other tunes necessarily except in a few cases, but they're in…

— Tom Lehrer

I figure I wrote 37 songs in 20 years, and that's not exactly a full-time job. It wasn't that I was writing…

— Tom Lehrer

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize.

— Tom Lehrer

When I was in college, there were certain words you couldn't say in front of a girl. Now you can say them,…

— Tom Lehrer

I wasn't really a performer by temperament,

— Tom Lehrer

If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike…

— Tom Lehrer

I've heard it quoted that I was dead. You can't believe anything you read. That was just an off-hand remark somebody picked…

— Tom Lehrer

I thought about majoring in Math, Chemistry and English, but Math had the fewest requirements, so I went with it. I knew…

— Tom Lehrer

There's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now, two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow.

— Tom Lehrer

And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail…

— Tom Lehrer

The people who were in college in the '50s were my first real audience, and their kids, the people who found my…

— Tom Lehrer

The civil liberties types who are fighting this issue have to fight it, owing to the nature of the laws, as a…

— Tom Lehrer