Nikhil Saluja

When I asked if everything was okay, you were supposed to say yes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everytime while hanging out with Friends or Family ; I feel like I'm cheating on Twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

Drinking a non-alcoholic beer is like licking your sisters pussy. It might taste the same but it's not fucking right.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes, hope is what makes us smile. Other times, a smile is what can bring us hope .

— Nikhil Saluja

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

— Nikhil Saluja

If less than 100 people wish you a happy birthday on Facebook you should probably just kill yourself

— Nikhil Saluja

Please show me your boring tweet first so I can copy n edit it making it the most intersting tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

While looking for love I sent my pictures to the Lonely Hearts Club. The reply came back, We are not that lonely.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I forgot your name, I'll wait for someone else to say it first.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies : When you hand wash your vibrator it's like you're saying thank you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Text me once, shame on you; text me twice and I'm going to burn your house down and kill your family.

— Nikhil Saluja

Me: Where have you been all my life? She: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to hate people who wore Check shirts. Now I just hate everybody.

— Nikhil Saluja

Your twitter ego means nothing when you click that log off button.

— Nikhil Saluja

I started pooping 10 times a day because it's where I come up with my best tweets.

— Nikhil Saluja

Because of Twitter, people use words like Twitterverse, Tweeple, and Twerson. Which makes me want to twoot myself in the face.

— Nikhil Saluja

Twitter has actually been here for hundreds of years; back that time, it was called depression.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, SMART, A man who buys his wife such fine china that she will never trust him to do the dishes;

— Nikhil Saluja

Time spent after a test... 5% Re-checking answers 5% Erasing answers 90% waiting for someone else to hand their test in first

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? Woman means:I can't believe you have nothing planned!

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're not sure if someone loves you or not, stop wasting time they don't.

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls pack their toothbrush Bad girls pack their diaphragms Naughty girls pack their dildos

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl asks you what you need. The woman knows and gives you what you want.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'll start tomorrow is usually an excuse. Start right now, and be true to yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

A secret isn't a secret unless you've ruined someone's life by telling it.

— Nikhil Saluja

I once dated a woman who owned a dog. The thing would never shut the fuck up. The dog was cool though.

— Nikhil Saluja

Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image of his father Never mind just so long as he's healthy!

— Nikhil Saluja

Reasons to date me: 1. I have a fast Wi-Fi 2. Sometimes I'm funny 3. I laugh at my own jokes, so…

— Nikhil Saluja

I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier. Must be going through a tough period in her life.

— Nikhil Saluja

I blow my nose 10 time a day, if my nose were my penis I'd be in heaven.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's funny how you think you know someone so well, then you bang his wife and then his true colors start to…

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear Twitter, sometimes I need more than 140 characters to describe what's on my mind. Sincerely, everyone.

— Nikhil Saluja

My superpower is not puking on my lappy when I read your inspirational tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Thanks a lot for reminding me that you're not following back, two boring people who just mentioned me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Revenge is a dish best served hurtling toward your enemy's face. Oh, and with blades attached.

— Nikhil Saluja

If being faithful is difficult for you than you are with the wrong person.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yeah, I'm F.I.N.E. : (F)alling apart, (I)nsecure, (N)eeding help, (E)verything's wrong. I'm definitely FINE.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you let someone stab you in the back enough times, eventually you will bleed to death.

— Nikhil Saluja

Most blondes never talk when having sex because their mothers taught them never to speak to strangers.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm going to name my son 'Nobody' and then when people say 'nobody's perfect', he will hug me and tell me how…

— Nikhil Saluja