Nikhil Saluja

Hey duct tape, what's REALLY bothering you?

— Nikhil Saluja

Vaginas are the sexiest of all weird looking things.

— Nikhil Saluja

I live like I type...fast and with tons of mistakes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Comedy equals Tragedy plus Twitter minus Time.

— Nikhil Saluja

If voting could really change things, It would be illegal.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

— Nikhil Saluja

Inspirational tweet of the day: I don't give a Fuck.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wait for the one you love. Not the one who found you first.

— Nikhil Saluja

I always date girls with beer guts cause you know those bitches can party.

— Nikhil Saluja

ProTip: If you need a shoulder to cry on...buy a teddy bear or something like a pillow.

— Nikhil Saluja

If Men Got Pregnant: Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever you're having doubts about your sexuality, remember that's exactly how female cockroaches feel the whole time.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like my women like I like watching my porn on the computer, fucking muted.

— Nikhil Saluja

Roses are red. Violets are blue. They both live in the ground...soon, you will too.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh you're the type of girl that uses your personality as birth control.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hope you're not allergic to nuts. Cause I'm gonna kick yours up into your throat.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never trust a warm toilet seat in a public restroom

— Nikhil Saluja

I miss the days where I starred you and you retweeted me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nephew: I'm leaving the house in NEPHEW minutes.

— Nikhil Saluja

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?

— Nikhil Saluja

I like my bitches like I like my comedy, raunchy as fuck.

— Nikhil Saluja

The treadmill is my therapist. (I stare at it from the couch)

— Nikhil Saluja

I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.

— Nikhil Saluja

Now I'm living in the past with all these regrets.

— Nikhil Saluja

Please keep following me, people I dont follow

— Nikhil Saluja

Hired a Private Investigator to follow my heart.

— Nikhil Saluja

Youre not my real Super Nintendo

— Nikhil Saluja

Loyalty is rare...If you find it, keep it.

— Nikhil Saluja

True love is indescribable, yet self-explanatory.

— Nikhil Saluja

I love it when people block me. It means I'm tweeting right.

— Nikhil Saluja

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't talk to me before I've had my beer. Or after.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sign on a frozen-food counter: Best meals you ever thaw.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ways of Life : A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.

— Nikhil Saluja

Million Dollar Idea: Tiny bowler hats for the penis.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, Occurs where a man gets hooked by his own line;

— Nikhil Saluja

With breasts, all things are possible.

— Nikhil Saluja

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

— Nikhil Saluja

True love is a wonder that has no end or beginning.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, Is really just being stupid together;

— Nikhil Saluja