All Mark Twain Quotes
- The funniest things are the forbidden. Forbidden
- Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration. Cannot Survive
- The true and lasting genius of humour does not drag you thus to boxes labelled 'pathos,' 'humour,' and show you all the mechanism of the… All
- What is it that strikes a spark of humor from a man? It is the effort to throw off, to fight back the burden of… Bound
- Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure… Any
- English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the… Always Put
- The inability to forget is far more devastating than the inability to remember. Devastating
- If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one. Any
- For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instinct is worth forty of it for real unerringness. All
- All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot justly be regarded… All
- If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter. Everyone
- What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes "my dear," and "my love"… Bachelor
- Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it. Assures
- Men and women -- even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect… Cannot Enter
- Marriage -- yes, it is the supreme felicity of life. I concede it. And it is also the supreme tragedy of life. The deeper the… Concede
- If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the… Argument
- We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped… Called
- Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country, under his own flag, and sneers at the other nations, and keeps… Apart
- Patriotism is usually the refuge of the scoundrel. He is the man who talks the loudest. Loudest
- ...majority Patriotism is the customary Patriotism. Customary
- We teach them to take their patriotism at second-hand; to shout with the largest crowd without examining into the right or wrong of the matter… All
- The soul and substance of what customarily ranks as patriotism is moral cowardice -- and always has been. Been
- [Patriotism] ...is a word which always commemorates a robbery. There isn't a foot of land in the world which doesn't represent the ousting and re-ousting… Always Commemorates
- The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet. Banquet
- An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere. Elsewhere