All Mark Twain Quotes
- In German, a young lady has no sex, but a turnip has German
- One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere. Bottle
- A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors. Average
- It is a good thing to write for the amusement of the public, but it is a far higher and nobler thing to write for… Actual
- God has put something noble and good into every heart His hand created. Created
- When the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface Dinner
- It now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one...the Descent of Man from… Animal
- Put no trust in the benefits to accrue from early rising, as set forth by the infatuated Franklin ... Accrue
- I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Discussing
- You are a coward when you even seem to have backed down from a thing you openly set out to do Backed
- A little lie can travel half way 'round the world while Truth is still lacing up her boots. Boots
- The introduction of homeopathy forced the old school doctor to stir around and learn something of a rational nature about his business. You may honestly… Allopaths
- Some of the worst things in my life never even happened. Even Happened
- I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took… Adult
- The citizen who sees his society's democratic clothes being worn out and does not cry it out, is not a patriot, but a traitor. Citizen
- Our heroes are men who do things which we recognize, with regret, and sometimes with a secret shame, that we cannot do. Hero
- Whatever thing men call great, look for it in Joan of Arc, and there you will find it. Arc
- It is our nature to conform; it is a force which not many can successfully resist. What is its seat? The inborn requirement of self-approval. Approval
- Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it. Armor
- In my age, as in my youth, night brings me many a deep remorse. I realize that from the cradle up I have been like… Age