All Joseph Heller Quotes
- Men," he began his address to the officers, measuring his pauses carefully. "You're American officers. The officers of no other army in the world can… Address
- History did not demand Yossarian's premature demise, justice could be satisfied without it, progress did not hinge upon it, victory did not depend on it.… All
- When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made… Almost Staggering
- You wouldn’t be normal if you were never afraid. Even the bravest men experience fear. One of the biggest jobs we all face in combat… Afraid
- Who's they?" He wanted to know. "Who, specifically, do you think is trying to murder you?" "Every one of them," Yossarian told him. "Every one… Air
- The frog is almost five hundred million years old. Could you really say with much certainty that America, with all its strength and prosperity, with… All
- He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret Inspirational
- What do you do when it rains?" The captain answered frankly. "I get wet. Answered
- Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did. Ask
- Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence?"… Assuage
- He found Luciana sitting alone at a table in the Allied officers' night club, where the drunken Anzac major who had brought her there had… All
- Death to all modifiers, he declared one day, and out of every letter that passed through his hands went every adverb and every adjective. Adjective
- He was never without misery, and never without hope. Hope
- You have deep-seated survival anxieties. And you don't like bigots, bullies, snobs or hypocrites. Subconsciously there are many people you hate." "Consciously, sir, consciously," Yossarian… Anxieties
- -You have no respect for excessive authority or obsolete traditions. You're dangerous and depraved, and you ought to be taken outside and shot! Authority
- From now on I'm thinking only of me." Major Danby replied indulgently with a superior smile: "But, Yossarian, suppose everyone felt that way." "Then," said… Any
- Now you've given them hope, and they're unhappy. So the blame is all yours. All
- Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one? Conditions
- Someone had to do something sometime. Every victim was a culprit, every culprit a victim, and somebody had to stand up sometime to try to… All
- They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady. Act
- You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all,… All
- Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a… Change
- Where were you born?" "On a battlefield," [Yossarian] answered. "No, no. In what state were you born?" "In a state of innocence. Answered
- Nately had a bad start. He came from a good family. Bad
- Her own body was such a familiar and unremarkable thing to her that she was puzzled by the convulsive ecstasy men could take from it,… Amusing