Jarod Kintz Quotes

55 quotes in 749 categories

• I hate when women give me that look. That overlook. Give
• Im reminded of Orville Tethington, inventor of the worlds first steam-powered fog machine. Hes also the guy who, after the Germans invented the flame thrower… Anytime
• I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me! Always Hungrily
• Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing… Ability
• I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, Im still… Ass
• Sometimes the thing that brings us together also pulls us apart. Sort of like a zipper. Apart
• Im not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, Im dying my hair tonight. Become Patient
• If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt. Destiny
• I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married. Appointments
• The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasnt hungry, I just wanted to call some plays. Call
• A hotel is a temporary aquarium for people. Thats why I travel with a fishing pole, and erectile dysfunction medicine. Aquarium
• I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you couldnt tell because I was already sitting in the nosebleed… Already Sitting
• The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert. Bedroom
• The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around to propose to her. Agreed
• Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on the board right now. Board
• Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have to pay for. Free
• My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun. Colors
• The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight in ounces. Dollar
• From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually… Actually Get
• I want to be happy and sad at the same time. Yeah, I know it sounds sappy. Funny

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