Gary Gulman

Without my family, I'd be something.

— Gary Gulman

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

— Gary Gulman

For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did…

— Gary Gulman

I really shine in front of prominently Jewish crowds. Normally I really beat myself up, but as far as Jewish audiences go,…

— Gary Gulman

I think everything contributes to your creativity.

— Gary Gulman

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was the quarter from behind the ear gag. He would never put the time in.

— Gary Gulman

Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn't there…

— Gary Gulman

What I need is an Urban Thesaurus. I know what money is what I need is 600 different ways to say it.

— Gary Gulman

I have 236 movies on my queue and I feel like I should always be watching movies. Like if I wake up…

— Gary Gulman

I think the biggest challenge I have faced is that I have struggled most of my life with often crippling depression which…

— Gary Gulman

I was born when my dad was 50... It's weird growing up with a dad that much older than you. We'd go…

— Gary Gulman

When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.

— Gary Gulman

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

— Gary Gulman

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

— Gary Gulman

If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.

— Gary Gulman

If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

— Gary Gulman

I've always wanted to do more significant stuff. I think of myself as well-informed, but the hardest thing to do is talk…

— Gary Gulman

My brother is a tax guy, and the way I look at it, it's like he's spending his life saving money for…

— Gary Gulman

It's a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is…

— Gary Gulman

Night to night, doing the clubs is a lot of fun too because you have a lot more freedom and you don't…

— Gary Gulman

With basketball, if a guy is having an off night you still can say he's a good athlete. But with a comedian,…

— Gary Gulman

I think everything is fair game to a certain extent.

— Gary Gulman

Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.

— Gary Gulman

I just always wonder if I'm too obsessive about subjects. I try to avoid that.

— Gary Gulman

As a child I most closely identified with Charlie Browns teacher. Nobody listened.

— Gary Gulman