Garry Shandling Quotes

50 quotes in 678 categories

• I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell
• When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.
• It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.
• I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.
• I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she…
• I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.
• I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
• Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.
• Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?"
• My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"
• Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to…
• I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because there's so much at stake and the fear of failure…
• They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.
• I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.
• The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host…
• I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder…
• I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.
• I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.
• I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green.
• I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

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