All Fred Allen Quotes
- My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. Any
- An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt. Dignity
- It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each… Achievement
- Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a… Biological
- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Anger
- California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. California
- The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. Changed
- I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. Case
- The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. Down
- An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. Advertising
- What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. Allow
- A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. Appointed
- Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. Anything Well
- A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. All
- A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be… Committee
- Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a… Church
- I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. Faces
- I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. Boston
- Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners. Act
- An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with… Actor
- Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. Drawn
- Television is the triumph of machine over people. Machine
- You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway… All
- If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. Fee
- Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. Bag