Family Guy Quotes

35 quotes in 469 categories

• All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die. -Peter Griffin
• Ive sprouted another finger. Counting the one from yesterday, Im up to 11. -Baby Stewie
• I want pancakes! God, do you people understand every language except English? Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez moi pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes! -Stewie Griffin
• Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw. Please save our dog. -Peter Griffin
• You know, I rather like this God fellow. Hes very theatrical. A little pestilence here, a plague there... Omnipotence...got to get me some of that.…
• I will not stand idly by while you abrogate my plans! You shall rue this day!... Well, go on, start ruing! -Stewie
• Theres always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and its not so much that I want to kill her, its just, I…
• Dear diary: Jackpot. -Glen Quagmire
• And Joe, Ive had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since youre half a man already, that splits…
• Hey, Mother! I come bearing a gift. Ill give you a hint: its in my diaper, and its not a toaster. -Stewie Griffin
• Guns dont kill people; dangerous minorities do. -Gun-rights advocate
• I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. Youre my silver medal. -Peter Griffin
• Whats this? Blueberries! Oh, oh my G... Oh, thats better than sex! -Stewie Griffin
• Hey, Meg, you eighteen yet? -Glen Quagmire
• Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first. -Peter Griffin
• Tonight theres a new reality show on Fox: Fast Animals, Slow Children. -Peter Griffin
• When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles my brain. Hah hah hah...ow. Oh, now I dont know…
• Im so hungry I could ride a horse. I dont get it. Well, I could ride it to the store, I guess. -Chris Griffin
• I think the lesson here is, it really doesnt matter where youre from, as long as were all the same religion. -Peter Griffin
• Peter: Oh my god, Brian, theres a message in my Alphabits. It says, Oooooo. Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. -Family Guy

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