There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'. — Erma Bombeck Asking for forgiveness Copy Share Image
A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18… — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. — Erma Bombeck Birthday Copy Share Image
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. — Erma Bombeck Birth Copy Share Image
If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Last year I gave seventy-four phone hours to soliciting baked goods for the Bake-A-Rama. I was named Top Call Girl by the… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it... live it...and never give it back.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a… — Erma Bombeck Age Copy Share Image
Friends are "annuals" that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a "perennial" that comes up year after year, enduring the… — Erma Bombeck Absence Copy Share Image
Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you… — Erma Bombeck Body Copy Share Image
I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from a size 5 to… — Erma Bombeck Before and after Copy Share Image
Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to be ignored, but mothers seem to have… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced… — Erma Bombeck Cooking Copy Share Image
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Our teen-agers withdrew to their bedrooms on their thirteenth birthday and didn't show themselves to us again until it was time to… — Erma Bombeck Adolescence Copy Share Image
I never go to a college reunion that I don't come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to… — Erma Bombeck College Copy Share Image
What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give. — Erma Bombeck Giving Copy Share Image
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it… — Erma Bombeck Clothes Copy Share Image
Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and… — Erma Bombeck Age Copy Share Image
My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it… — Erma Bombeck Baby Copy Share Image
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider… — Erma Bombeck Clubs Copy Share Image
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises. — Erma Bombeck Comedy Copy Share Image
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer… — Erma Bombeck Advice Copy Share Image
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to… — Erma Bombeck Age Copy Share Image
I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses. — Erma Bombeck Baby Copy Share Image
It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna. — Erma Bombeck Differences Copy Share Image
The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates. — Erma Bombeck American family Copy Share Image
As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am. — Erma Bombeck Aging Copy Share Image
For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
