Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere” — Erma Bombeck Fear Copy Share Image
Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing. — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of… — Erma Bombeck Adults Copy Share Image
No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday. — Erma Bombeck Funny christmas Copy Share Image
“We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the… — Erma Bombeck Beaches Copy Share Image
What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself? — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
“...the words of young Ted Kennedy, Jr., who lost his leg to cancer. "People are taught we should look perfect," he said.… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My mother phones daily to ask, "Did you just try to reach me?" When I reply no, she adds, "So, if you're… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs… — Erma Bombeck Class Copy Share Image
I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe… — Erma Bombeck Baby Copy Share Image
I see children as kites. You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you're… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
...I remember thinking how often we look, but never see...we listen, but never hear...we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships… — Erma Bombeck Alive Copy Share Image
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an… — Erma Bombeck Air travel Copy Share Image
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged… — Erma Bombeck Best friend Copy Share Image
I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service. — Erma Bombeck Beautiful Copy Share Image
There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M.… — Erma Bombeck Body Copy Share Image
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. — Erma Bombeck Compassion Copy Share Image
I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility. — Erma Bombeck Adolescence Copy Share Image
“There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.” — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's… — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners. — Erma Bombeck Communication Copy Share Image
One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking,… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. — Erma Bombeck Comedy Copy Share Image
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. — Erma Bombeck Automobile Copy Share Image
the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?' — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
Phrases and their actual meanings: My teacher has never liked me. Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you… — Erma Bombeck Children Copy Share Image
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I read one psychologist's theory that said, "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is… — Erma Bombeck Anger Copy Share Image
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer:… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the… — Erma Bombeck America Copy Share Image
