Elle Lothlorien

“Turns out rolling your eyes in a bar when ‘Land Down Under’ plays is like someone belching during the Star Spangled Banner…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Well then, I guess I’m man enough to admit that I’m trying to get in touch with my inner bitch.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“You’re in the country of the kangaroo and the duck-billed platypus, and you’re asking ‘why is it a mushroom? Because it just…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I think I can say with confidence that it’s a lot funnier if you haven’t actually been attacked by a shark.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“I believe the phrase you’re looking for is ‘too much money and not enough things to spend it on.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Well, Faye, dear, I’m sure Harlow’s sorry she didn’t think to ask if you’d been eaten by a shark. That’s totally on…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Congratulations, Mousey, you’ve managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Enjoy your little run because there’s no way you get off this boat without her trying to slice your Achilles in half.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“This is from the queen? And you say it’s for a mouse? I’m sorry, sir, but the Pyramid Hotel doesn’t allow any…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Australians are descended from a boatload of English convicts, right? So two hundred years in isolation at the bottom of the planet…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Well, you played me, Rabbit. You played me, and it worked, and I’m not the kind of person to make the same…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I use the word “man” loosely. A better description would be “the most beautiful specimen of Homo sapiens sapiens with a set…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I grimace, thinking someone should come up with a new phrase for 'I left the ocean without a kiwi-sized chunk of my…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Okay then, I suppose you get a pass on poker intimidation for the glasses, little brother. But everyone else is wearing them…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Don’t be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don’t travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Oh, and Mr. Montgomery? I think I counted about four dozen important-sounding words and almost no substance at all in that explanation.…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Alice, you might be the product of the biggest ball of ignorance, confidence, and good fortune the universe has ever manufactured. But…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Wait, and you had to ask him if Faye’s in danger? IF? Okay, first of all, I’m just going to admit that…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I brought you out here because I wanted to share a sunrise with you, and maybe even a sunset. I wanted to…

— Elle Lothlorien

“The question is: will I get used to a menu with kilojoules instead of calories? I mean, I don’t think anyone even…

— Elle Lothlorien

“When she reaches down to touch his shoulder—a gesture only a few species and a million or so years removed from lifting…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Let’s put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you…

— Elle Lothlorien

“For the first time, there’s no barrier between us and we make eye contact. All of a sudden, I feel like the…

— Elle Lothlorien

“. I’ve watched about a dozen tourists almost get hit by cars since I’ve been here. I barely made it to the…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I think it should be obvious by now that I’m not necessarily interested in reality.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“I don’t think I heard the same ending you did. Maybe you should tell it again.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“You keep right on building that fence, Faye. See what good it does you.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Right, 'the Queen of Hearts.' Sounds to me like you’re just one bitch in a whole pack of cards, baby.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“I’m almost afraid to tell you. Let’s put it this way: clean toilets are the least of your problems in this country.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“So…while we’re sitting here on this luxury yacht enjoying our bread and water, why doesn’t someone tell me the plan?”

— Elle Lothlorien

“The words ‘drink me’ come to mind. Anyone besides me up for some heavy alcohol consumption?”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Oh, yeah, that goatee is really unattractive. That definitely belongs on a much fatter man.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“So ‘fatal’ only kills you two out of three times these days? That’s good to know.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“I’m not sure a real man would smoke something that sounds like a mixed drink ice cream cone.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Don’t make me Alice-nap you, Alice. Because you know I can carry you.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“The car doesn’t so much drive as float above the road, like we’re making our way to Sydney in a hovercraft.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“No thanks…Dodo, was it? I don’t know if I can watch you have performance problems twice in ten days.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“I slump in my chair, thinking how a narcotic party of one is no party at all.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Now see, if it were me, I wouldn’t have led with that. I would’ve gone with something like ‘G’day’ or ‘Wow, aren’t…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but Australians have a LOT of bitches on their cashola.”

— Elle Lothlorien