Elle Lothlorien

“In any other fabric of space-time, my brother would have picked up Dee’s venereal disease-infested koala punt and run it straight down…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I believe the phrase you’re looking for is ‘too much money and not enough things to spend it on.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Just keep it simple, Alice Faye. Remember how you taught yourself. Nothing’s different just because you’re on a yacht, or wearing a…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I’m not sure a real man would smoke something that sounds like a mixed drink ice cream cone.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“When she reaches down to touch his shoulder—a gesture only a few species and a million or so years removed from lifting…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Follow me down, Alice Faye Dahl. I know the way.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Because trying to think of how to ask a woman you’ve known for exactly two days if she’d be willing to get…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I think I can say with confidence that it’s a lot funnier if you haven’t actually been attacked by a shark.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“That’s exactly where they send entry-level diplomats. After you cut your teeth on a few civil wars and a famine or two,…

— Elle Lothlorien

“You can donate marrow for her, Alice Faye, you can’t cure her. You can win a poker tournament, but that won’t make…

— Elle Lothlorien

“How was I supposed to know ‘lucked out’ means ‘I got screwed over’ in Australian?”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Okay then, I suppose you get a pass on poker intimidation for the glasses, little brother. But everyone else is wearing them…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I think it should be obvious by now that I’m not necessarily interested in reality.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“What if it’s a shy fish? Is that a 'coy koi?' What? Don’t hate me because I’m asking the important questions.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“I use the word “man” loosely. A better description would be “the most beautiful specimen of Homo sapiens sapiens with a set…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Souris says you wanted to see me, so here I am. Talk quick before I decide to beat the shit out of…

— Elle Lothlorien

“I made sure to brush my teeth as soon as I was able. I even asked for a hair tie to pull…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Fun fact: You may hug koalas in the Australian state of New South Wales, but not in Queensland. So…if you didn’t hug…

— Elle Lothlorien

“You know what Munny said to me, right before we left? She said, ‘Watching someone die is hard work. Go to Australia…

— Elle Lothlorien

“My help—it’s not a light switch you can turn on and off. My help starts right now, and after this point you…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Must be the hair then. And the name change. And your new piss-poor attitude. Because every once in a while, I look…

— Elle Lothlorien

“So you went back to your friend’s next donkament two weeks later, and this time you just laughed right along when they…

— Elle Lothlorien

“Mouse likes to drag you to uninhabited areas with no cell signal—all those places perfect for dying of exposure.”

— Elle Lothlorien

“Basic economic theory. People behave differently based on how much they think something’s worth. Because everyone got their chips for free, people…

— Elle Lothlorien

“As you know, the International Poker Tour, by its own admission, knows very little about poker games, one of which ended tragically…

— Elle Lothlorien