Doug Stanhope Quotes

28 quotes in 400 categories

• Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind…
• I've been playing the CNN Drinking Game, have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says the word "evil"?…
• I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did to the virus.…
• Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met
• Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.
• Whatever your problems are, keep in mind that you die at the end of all this. Lets get out there, brutalize ourselves and laugh at…
• There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.
• I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.
• If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?
• There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.
• Here's the path to sobriety: Play the Ron Paul drinking game. Watch CNN and take a drink every time someone says his name.
• If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.
• Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD
• That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.
• Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.
• Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.
• You never hear in the news, 'Two hundred killed today when atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the agnostic stronghold in the north.'
• There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing…
• AA makes Scientology look credible,
• Tradition and heritage are all dead peoples baggage. Stop carrying it. Move forward.

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