Best David Sedaris Proverbs
- Neighbors would pass, and when they honked I'd remember that I was in my Speedo. Then I'd wrap my towel like a skirt around my… Egyptian
- If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately… Base
- I hoped our lives would continue this way forever, but inevitably the past came knocking. Not the good kind that was collectible but the bad… Arthritis
- I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated. Always Knew
- I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time. Books
- If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. Caring
- I recall thinking that the computer would never advance much further than this. Call me naïve, but I seemed to have underestimated the universal desire… Advance
- I don't like being left to my own thoughts. Left
- Because I've always been a fairly nervous person. Been
- I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's. Anybody
- I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either. Distinguish
- I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter. Humorist
- I love 'Glee.' Glee
- My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be… Ago
- I think it's important to take chances. Chances
- If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve. Deserve
- No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try. Better
- People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental… Ask
- I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on,… Attention
- I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to… Facebook
- When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. Comic
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