All Craig Ferguson Quotes
- Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would… Ago
- Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes. Cigarette
- Climate change is a serious problem. We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I've got to change stuff. Then I'm not… All
- Great, as long as you're happy Funny
- Scientists say over the next hundred years, the coast of California will sink almost five feet. So the presidential candidates need to do something. Mitt… Almost Five
- The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through. America
- CBS announced they're canceling As The World Turns. Don't worry though, if you're addicted to the twisted plots, the intrigue, the illicit sex, you can… Addicted
- There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking...And that's just the part… Caressing
- I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything.… Always Saying
- When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we'd get drunk together. He was always very supportive.… Apart
- When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die. Die
- I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a… Bars
- I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you… Complete
- Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a… Better
- I try and live my life in bite-size chunks. Bite
- I wanted to be a rock star. Rock
- I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I… Award
- There's something I believe wholeheartedly: Cynicism is the true refuge of the pseudo-intellectual, .. Cynicism is easy. Joy is an extremely advanced spiritual and intellectual… Advanced
- I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are… Addiction
- It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television. Interesting
- Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me. Inspirational
- I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. Comedy
- I think sometimes that people think brave means not being afraid, which of course it doesn't mean that at all. It means that you're afraid,… Afraid
- I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. Funny
- I realized women and humor were linked very closely. Closely