Craig Ferguson Quotes

185 quotes in 2076 categories

• You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.
• For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the…
• I haven't had a drink in thirteen years, but occasionally I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I have that one…
• Fat is where comedy is stored,
• I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically…
• My mother was tickled and I think kind of proud when my father got hit on my an attractive middle-aged Asian lady who hadn't noticed…
• Twas the night before Thanksgiving.
• They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly…
• These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.
• The Universe is very, very big.
• You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry…
• A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going…
• President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork,…
• I can't wait to see the debate between Ryan and Joe Biden. Biden is said to be already trying out different strategies. So far the…
• Insiders say Obama's pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been 'acting' like he was born in Hawaii for a long time.
• This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with…
• I proved to my own satisfaction that I am madder than I think.
• A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms.
• There is a scene in the movie where Astrid and Hiccup fly on Toothless's back toward the island of Berk. The animation is intensely real,…
• The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified.…

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