It's not hard to find the energy to do the things you absolutely want to do. — Bert Kreischer Absolutely Copy Share Image
I'm such a lazy traveler. When I go to a city now, I hang out around the venue. I'm boring. — Bert Kreischer Around Copy Share Image
I'm the guy who needs to be front and center. I joined a fraternity to do that. — Bert Kreischer Center Copy Share Image
I'm a big believer in saying things out loud, I think he that helps you focus your goals. — Bert Kreischer Big Copy Share Image
I like comics like Janeane Garofalo who is very stream of conscious in an honest way. — Bert Kreischer Comic Copy Share Image
There is nothing that I'm more compelled to do than get up in front of a crowd and make people laugh. — Bert Kreischer Comedy Copy Share Image
I really respect those guys that get $250,000 for punching up scripts, because it's an art form. — Bert Kreischer Art Copy Share Image
I love going on other people's podcasts - in my opinion not enough people ask me to be guests! — Bert Kreischer Enough Copy Share Image
Some of the most fun I've ever had has been filming 'Bert the Conqueror.' As a stand-up comedian, I love putting this… — Bert Kreischer Adventure Copy Share Image
I'd love to be a movie star. That'd be great. But I lost the looks awhile ago. They slipped right through my… — Bert Kreischer Great Copy Share Image
I grew up Catholic and still feel a lot of Catholic guilt. But my wife is not religious so we're not raising… — Bert Kreischer Catholic Copy Share Image
When people think of New York, they don't automatically think of going to Chelsea Piers and Pier 40, where you're going to… — Bert Kreischer Alleys Copy Share Image
I need someone to be like, 'I can beat Bert in a marathon.' And then my Mickey Mantle genes will kick in… — Bert Kreischer Beat Copy Share Image
My father grew up in Levittown, L.I., in the first tract housing built for G.I.'s. His dad had stormed the beaches of… — Bert Kreischer Dad Copy Share Image
My favorite thing to do is just hang out at home and watch a movie with my wife and my two daughters.… — Bert Kreischer Best Copy Share Image
Don't hole up in your apartment and just write jokes, be a real human being and develop your own voice. Then you… — Bert Kreischer Human Copy Share Image
I read some older books when I worked at Barnes And Noble, like some of the American classics. I read a lot… — Bert Kreischer American Copy Share Image
Here's the weird thing about me. I was never one to tell you stories about me. I was always the guy who… — Bert Kreischer Always Copy Share Image
I was in New York City and my sister and cousin came out to see me, and I brought a guitar on… — Bert Kreischer City Copy Share Image
Part of my personality is I like to have a good time and I'm an extrovert, and extroverts, they blossom as meathead… — Bert Kreischer Blossom Copy Share Image
I adopted a motto: Never say no. Jim Morrison never said no, Kurt Cobain never said no. You couldn't have great things… — Bert Kreischer Great Copy Share Image
My second freshman year of college, that's year two of seven, my father got very sick and though he was going to… — Bert Kreischer Birthday Copy Share Image
I was in an ESPN interview and was asked, 'Who would I most want to ride a roller coaster with?' and I… — Bert Kreischer Girl Copy Share Image
I am not a big fan of very prepared standup. I like when Dave Attell writes and I appreciate it but I… — Bert Kreischer Big fan Copy Share Image
I think I've got the coolest friends in the entire world, I really do. — Bert Kreischer Coolest Copy Share Image
I'd love to write a book called 'How to Raise a Virgin.' Seriously, I think a book about that would sell. — Bert Kreischer Book Copy Share Image
If there's an adrenaline rush, I will find it; if there's an anxiety attack, I will have it. — Bert Kreischer Adrenaline Copy Share Image
I know the one thing that will reset my button is getting up and running a fast mile. — Bert Kreischer Fast Copy Share Image
